Thursday, 20 August 2015


for men who smoke Dreadnought – the only cigarette with the filter in the middle

Thou shalt not shag thy mother when she’s shaving.

Thou shalt not mock TV prethsenterths lithsps when they art thspeaking thseriouthsly.

Thou shalt not use thy blunt haemorrhoid scissors when the garden shears are sharp.

Thou shalt not refuse to use a Scottish accent when thou art broadcasting for the BBC.

Thou shalt not sell thy wife’s soiled panties on eBay if she’s only worn them once.

Thou shalt not shoot thy neighbour’s barking dog at 4 am when it’s only being friendly.

Thou shalt not call Johnny a foreigner wherefore art his name be-eth Sanjeev al Kebab.

Thou shalt not bugger thy local bishop while he’s blessing a choirboy’s buttocks.

Thou shalt not shout “fire” while thy neighbour’s mega motorhome is still burning.

Thou shalt not shag thy sister in the outside toilet until thy father has finished.

Thou shalt not commit political correctosserty when thou art on thine own deathbed.

“What’s it all about?” – said the pleb.

“I haven’t got a fucking clue” – said the wiseman.

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