IMPACTIVITIS
Due to what I consider to be the
appalling repetitious mis-use of certain words in the media, I feel compelled
to ‘important up’ one of the most fashionable yet virulent verbal aberrations
which is rapidly becoming a full-blown epidemic. Germinated and spread by pretentious
professional public speakers, this highly contagious disease is now infecting
large numbers of innocent people.
I refer of course to the wanton
abuse of the word Impact.
In the not too distant past, Impact
was a well respected word used by scientists in their measurements of the size
strength and extent of a colossal meteoric fireball’s collision with planet
earth. Forensic investigators also use
Impact appropriately in their serious analysis of a man-made car crash, train
crash or plane crash.
But in the rapacious media world and
Parish Council rooms, the word Impact is incessantly and gratuitously used by
impactious pontificators to impacturbate on any subject under the Sun. One abstract conceptual notion is said to be ‘impacting’
on another abstract conceptual notion.
Wow, what an earth shattering impact!
The perpetrators of impactivism
could soon be saying that a falling feather makes an ‘impact’ on soft
grass. If I hear this, my flabber will
be completely ghasted. How many more
ridiculous non-impacts can decent people endure?
There are probably more real impacts
per minute in a boxing match, tennis match or football match than anywhere
else, but do we ever hear sensible people say ‘impact’ instead of punch or hit or
kick?
This originally strong and
meaningful word with a genuine physical specificity, has been arrogantly
relegated to the low level of many a worthless word for all occasions. Attention seeking speakers have high-jacked
Impact and forced it into their egotistic rhetoric, thus rendering a potent
word almost impotent. Once they’ve said
it once, they go on saying it, like a drug addict wanting fix after fix.
Do we forgive these mad militant
impactivists for their Impact Addiction Disorder or do they deserve a word
surgeon to give them an Impactomania lobotomy?
As in situations resulting from human ignorance greed and stupidity,
nature itself eventually determines that saturation of a sickness must occur
before reaching the point of refusal to take any more. So even as an infinitesimal part of the
planet, I nevertheless hope to help nature bring about a speedy recovery of the
strength of Impact, by attempting to make things worse before they get better. Or
better before they get worse. Who knows,
but here goes.
Something urgently impactive must be said
about the rabid impacteological impactoxicity of the millions of verbal
impacticles impacting on the impactlessness of the impacted upon by the
seemingly unimpactable impactivicious impactors who desperately need the
impactification of the English language to impactivate their otherwise
unimpactful dim-witted dreary public speaking.
Furthermoreover, the impactuous
impactellatiousness of the impactossers, impactasises their insane impacturbation
and promiscuous impactuality. Their self
inflicted addiction to pathological Impactivitis is at present sucking like a
perverted parasite on the impactful potency of the word Impact.
Public speakers would do better when
they remember that Impact is a strong spirit, not to be roughly necked like
eight pints of beer, but to be gently sipped and enjoyed as an exquisite
liqueur, only on the most appropriate occasions.
“Absolutely clearly challenging” –
said Mr President.
“Three
more worthless words” – said the wiseman.
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